The year that broke me - 2019
Oh what a year, literally. 2019 started one way and ended another. I am not much of a “Resolution” gal but I had a couple of New Year Resolutions, one being fitness, another was writing more. Well both of those didn’t go according to plan but honestly that isn’t what I am here for today. I debated about sharing my 2019 recap because it’s not what you saw on instagram. I don’t ever get too personal but I knew in order for you to understand where I was to where I am the following was important for you to hear.
2019 broke me. Broke me in a way I never have been broken or lost before. I guess Patty Tells All is about to live up to her name because I am about to share it all. I was in a 4 year relationship that ended but at the end of the day we knew things needed to end. Did it hurt? of course any break up hurts but that isn’t what did it for me. I lost more than that relationship, I lost a really good friend. Not long after the breakup I lost 2 of my best friends. This one hurt. This one hurt like hell. I’ll be the first one to admit I am not the greatest, but I show up, I am there when you need me. But for some reason it just wasn’t enough, or at least that is what I kept telling myself. I questioned the loss of these friendships, I cried, I asked what did I do? Why the betrayal? WHAT DID I DO?
In 2019 I was told that the blog / influencer world changed me. That I “lived for the gram” that I “exploited my life online” Y’all I chose to be a blogger, I chose to write, to share, to glorify, to bring awareness. For months I had been asking myself if I should just stop. “Should I just quit now?” I spent endless nights asking myself this, wondering if all those things that were told to me were true. Was I changing? Was I just living for instagram? I questioned my faith, my existence, my relationships, my parenting. I questioned EVERYTHING. I broke. I had completely broken down but silently. I still smiled for photos, I was still at events. I was trying to act like I was okay but deep down I was hurting, I was questioning everything.
This past week I had one of the biggest mental break downs of 2019. Everything I had dusted under the rug had finally came to the surface, I finally had to face the things that broke me. I had to reflect, I had to really soul search. But I realized so much, I was mad at myself for things I couldn’t control. I had to accept that some things are better left behind. Some people aren’t always for you, as much as we want to hold on to what we are comfortable with, sometimes it’s the most toxic. I had to let my mind run wild so I could come back to life. I needed to cry it out, I needed to yell, get angry, get sad, but I needed to move on from it.
While realizing that 2019 broke me, 2019 brought out the best in me.
I raised $1,200 for Kids Meals Houston
I hosted my very first blogger workshop
I hosted a toy drive that benefited over 11 preschoolers who weren’t going to have a Christmas
I hit 10k on instagram
I worked with some amazing brands like Victoria Secret, Becks Prime, Kroger, Absolut Vodka, etc
I established a wonderful working partnership with McDonalds (DUH MY FAVE)
I met some pretty damn amazing blogger babes that I connect with on a a whole different level
I prayed for someone, I was pretty specific on the characteristic traits and I am with an amazing guy. I seriously couldn’t have asked for someone better to come into my life and accept me with all of my internal scars and help me through the loses.
I hosted quarterly events, SUCCESSFUL events
You know what, Blogging has changed me, it helped me as a woman, it helped me get out there, take risks. It taught me to be better, to not compare, to not judge. Yeah, blogging changed me but it changed me for good. I volunteered this year, I have raised money, I gathered toys. Blogging made me selfless. It opened my eyes to what truly matters.
I am leaving the hurt in 2019. I am leaving the unanswered questions behind. I am truly moving on. 2019 broke me but it’s what I needed. I needed to brake. I needed to look at my surroundings, I needed to see that not everyone was on my team. Not everyone wanted me to succeed.
Moving into 2020 these are my wants
I want to host quarterly charity event
I want to Volunteer more with the Charities I am donating to
I want to continue to grow on Instagram
I want to find my faith again and not just pray when I am in need
I want to write more, but really write
I want to continue to monetize the blog
Everything I listed is aligned with PattyTellsAll. I built a brand with out realizing it, but I am so damn happy I did. PattyTellsAll has been one of the greatest things I have done.
Don’t ever let anyone bring you down, don’t ever let someone tell you what THEY THINK you are doing. You have goals, you have wants, you have dreams. Don’t let anyone shit on your parade.
To everyone who reads and follows the blog, THANK YOU. Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation.
2019, thank you. Thank you for the moments, the opportunities, the tests and tribulations, the obstacles, the hurt, the love, but more than that, thank you for the growth.
2020, I am ready. I am ready to grow in love, grow in faith, grow in positivity. 2020 for me is going to be about growth.
